Many of us in Oswego, Aurora, Plainfield and Naperville (IL) are driven to be the best we can be, whether as a student, an athlete, a worker or a community volunteer. The drive to give our all to an occupation, task or responsibility is a distinctive trait of the human spirit.
This quality can be further amplified when we place ourselves in a cultural context that rewards, follows and at times even demands high achievement. Accomplishments attract recognition, and recognition can fill us with a heightened sense of self-worth.
How we pursue achievement can become another matter. If we make perfection our standard, we will inevitably make mistakes and fall short of that goal. Perfection can be momentarily attained and enjoyed, but it will always be a fleeting state.
Our internal narrative is the measurement of our mental health. When we are too critical or demanding of ourselves because we don't think we're measuring up, we can veer from a healthy mindset that adapts to acceptable truths about ourselves and our circumstances.
As self-criticism intensifies, it can form a destructive voice within us that seeks to reprimand rather than keep us encouraged and balanced. A harsh internal critic can contribute to self-punishment and lower overall emotional well-being, which if left unaddressed over time can include eating disorders.
Because they evolve from and produce distressing thoughts and emotions, the different eating disorders can impair a person's physical, psychological and social function. Collectively, they affect up to 5% of the population, with a particular impact during adolescence and young adulthood. The most common group with eating disorders tends to be women between the ages of 12 and 35.
Some common eating disorders include:
anorexia nervosa Severe restriction of calories; intense fear of gaining weight; a distorted sense of body image; potential for obsessive-compulsive symptoms; possible resulting physical problems such as brittle hair and nails, thinning bones and infertility
bulimia nervosa Uncontrollably eating a large amount of food in a short period of time, often until painfully full; purging to cancel the surge in calories and relieve stomach discomfort; possible side effects such as sore or inflamed throat, swollen salivary glands, worn tooth enamel, tooth decay and acid reflux
binge eating disorder Eating large amounts of food rapidly until becoming uncomfortably full, usually in secret, in spite of not feeling hungry; no purging or calorie restriction; accompanying feelings of distress such as shame, guilt or disgust when thinking about the behavior
avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder A lack of interest in eating or a dislike of certain tastes, smells, colors, textures or temperatures; insufficient calorie or nutrient intake; weight loss or poor physical development for person's age and height; difficulty with social functions such as eating with others
While the word "eating" appears in the phrase "eating disorders," the condition is about more than food. It is about a powerful, hyper-scared need for control when we feel a lack of it because of shame, a lowering self-esteem or runaway expectations of ourselves.
It is also a condition that can be treated and healed by addressing the manager of it.
At Empowered Life Therapy, we see intimately how a deepening struggle for self-acceptance can manifest itself as an eating disorder.
In the age of social media, self-perception can become further challenged because of the even wider emphasis on and visibility of acceptance (e.g. pursuing "likes," looking strong or beautiful). We also see mainly the best of others' lives as opposed to their daily realities. Current media filters can make us look more "perfect" as well.
For some of us, these factors can give rise to a ruthless and persuasive internal critic. This is because the inner critic is a natural component of our built-in desire to be physically and emotionally safe, including from rejection, embarrassment, disappointment and identifiable failure.
That same emotional protector also begins to distort our self-concept. It changes our life story into a negative one. Because our spirit and the critic are internal, we house both the attacker and the attacked.
When we are supporting a client from Oswego, Aurora, Plainfield or Naperville who is contending with an eating disorder, we listen to and learn from what he or she is ready to share. As a caring partner, in time we come to recognize the voice of the inner critic that is managing the disorder.
As the inner critic makes itself known, we begin to shift the focus of thought from relentless self-assessment to greater self-compassion and a healthy, seeking curiosity. In developing this ability, we become editors of the negative narrative with the power to change it.
We create inner space for the correct story and become inquisitive of the inner critic rather than led by it. In other words, if a negative or self-critical thought forms, rather than follow it, we can back out of it and observe it. What is it trying to tell us or protect us from? Once we reveal the real motive, we can shape our interpretation of it more constructively and move forward in the right direction.
As we get better at this, we become aware that we are more than our shifting thoughts. We are distinctive beings meant to discover, to learn from experience and to find joy in life, relationships and self-acceptance.
With that understanding, we are empowered to pass through difficulties with peaceful, strengthening confidence and humility. Our inner critic turns into a voice of kindness and encouragement. We learn to love ourselves as messy, complex and vulnerable, which frees us to connect with ourselves and others with sustaining authenticity.
Being more compassionate with ourselves might also include becoming attuned to our inner sensations by reaching them through meditation and mindfulness exercises.
When we are released from having to be masters of everything that we attempt, we are no longer chained by the need to be exceptional. A fading critical voice will let go of the reins that steer our compulsion to control through behaviors such as an eating disorder.
If you or someone you care about struggles with an eating disorder, Empowered Life Therapy offers the support, skills and resources for developing the curiosity and self-compassion that quiet the internal critic. If you would like to further discuss our therapeutic approach to an eating disorder, simply contact us at (630) 842-6585 to speak with a professional serving Oswego, Aurora, Plainfield and Naperville (IL).
Kasey Huff